


Battle Scars

by Semi_problematic



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Insecurity, Jealousy, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 22:36:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14628468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Semi_problematic/pseuds/Semi_problematic
Summary: To Dwight, Carl was the universe, a galaxy, and he was just one star, burning bright and praying to be noticed.





	Battle Scars

**Author's Note:**

> Like always, Carl is 18/19

"He burned your face." Carl stepped down each stair, looking at Dwight. There was barely any light in he staircase but most of the time, if someone was in there, they didn't want to be seen. This was the place to hide from Negan. To sneak around and talk. To just take a minute and breathe. Carl saw Dwight walk into thay staircase every day. He wanted to know why. Carl stepped down the last step, leaning against the railing. "What are you doing in here?"

Dwight jumped, ducking away and shaking his head. He was always on edge. Jumping when his name was called. Moving away from people when they got too close. Dwight still flinched at loud noises. Negan thought he had Dwight broke in, but Dwight was just a good actor. He moved away from Carl, a cigarette dangling between his fingers. Smoke filled the staircase, parts of it catching in the dim light. "You shouldn't be in here kid."

"I'm not a kid." Carl replied, simply. "And you know I'm not. No one's a kid in this world anymore." He stepped down the stairs and stood in front of Dwight, glancing at the door that sat on top of the third floor. Negan was on the first. They weren't in danger of getting caught. "He burned your face, to punish you." Carl moved closer, tilting Dwights head up. "I got scars too." 

Dwight pulled away from Carl, stumbling back into the wall. "Carl." His voice was wavering. "Go back to your room, go anywhere but here. If Negan sees us he'll-" 

"Burn you again?" Carl cupped his cheek, rubbing his thumb against the ripples of scarred skin. "He won't catch us. He may be in charge, but I'm just as smart as he is, maybe even smarter." Carl dropped his hand, tilting his head to the side. "Do you think of me as just another wife? Just another pretty toy Negan has to play with?" 

"He could catch us. Or someone else could. You need to go." Dwight looked at his feet, his hair falling across his scars. Dwight had flinched when Carl mentioned being burned again. Did Dwight stay awake the entire time the iron was burning his skin? Each time Carl leaned down, trying to catch Dwights eye, Dwight would turn away. He slipped the cigarette between his lips and looked above him. 

"You're scared of me." Carl looked up at him, smiling. "A lot of people are. But I'm not a bad guy. I don't hurt people, not unless they hurt the people I love." Negan and Enid both feared Carl. It wouldn't be shocking if Dwight was scared of him. "Why won't you look at me? Is it because of Negan?"

"Yes." Dwight whispered. The cigarette was still pressed between his lips. "He would kill me if he knew I was alone with you. Doesn't matter the context, doesn't matter what we said or did, he would kill me." Dwight turned and looked at Carl, sighing. "Its best if we just don't talk. I was already on thin ice when I got you on the ground at gun point."

"You don't think he'll kill you. You think he'll burn you again. Mess up your face as punishment as if one half ruined isn't enough." The staircase fell silent, Carl raising his hands up and undoing his bandages. Unwrapping his head took some time, his hair getting in the way of each loop around his head. The bandages fell down to the ground as Carl brushed his hair from his eye. "I get what its like." 

"I'm not gonna ask you again." Dwight knew he didn't have any control, but he didn't want to give in. He didn't want to admit him and Carl had common ground, because if he did, he would be admitting that the scars on his face tore him apart each and every day. He didn't want to admit that he cried and felt ugly and that there was no way he could make the scars go away. "Leave." 

"I know how it feels." Carl grabbed Dwights hand and raised it up to his cheek. He pressed Dwights hand against his skin, letting his fingers brush across his scars and the bottom of his socket. "To hate what you see. To feel ugly and isolated. To want to just curl up and hide because you look like the monster you fight." Dwights hand was shaking against Carls skin. The man was so nervous. So afraid. "You aren't ugly, Dwight." 

Dwight touched Carl like he was breakable. He kept his eyes on Carls face as his fingers mapped out the scars on his cheek and temple. He traced around Carls socket, studying each part of his wrinkled skin. "I am." He finally whispered. "I am." His voice matched his shaking hands. "These scars, they aren't because I'm brave or a fighter. I got these because I was stupid and ran. I thought I could get away and I can't." He looked down, shaking his head. "They show submission." 

"They aren't ugly." Foot steps echoed up the staircase. "I like them. They're cool, really cool. And you're brave, you ran, Dwight, you were brave enough to leave even though you knew what could happen." They got closer. "They aren't ugly. You're really handsome." And louder. Carl pushed up on his toes, kissing Dwights scars. He dropped down, flat on his feet, walking up the stairs to the third floor door. "I'll see you around." 

Within seconds Dwight was alone again. The footsteps continued to grow louder, heels clicking against the metal stairs. One of Negans wives. He trained his eyes on the ground, taking another drag from his cigarette. It was dangerous, but Dwights mind kept going to Carl. The way he looked at him, the way he kissed his cheek and talked to him. That kid was going to get him killed. 

\- 

A week later, Carl went to Dwights room. The kid really had no idea who he was messing with considering he just walked right in and closed the door behind him. Dwight couldn't help but panic when Carl locked the door. Thankfully, according to Carl, no one was out in the hallway to see him go into Dwights room. That only eased his mind a little bit, considering that no matter what Negan always found out. He just had his ways of knowing things. Carl had a lot to learn.

"I was able to convince him to stop burning people." Carl sat on the bed, face wrapped up like a birthday present. Clean, white bandages were wound around his head, covering up his scars. How could Carl say Dwight was beautiful but cover up his own scars? "I made him throw the iron out and everything. Told him it was unfair that his punishment made people look like me, like looking like me was a bad thing."

"It's not just the scar. It's the pain. The humiliation." Dwight looked down at his glass of water, chewing on his lip. "He likes making a lesson out of people. I was one of the first. He had everyone watching, even people who normally watch our out posts. He wanted me to know that everyone saw my failure, that everyone knew I lost." He took a sip from his glass and set it down. "The scar is just to remind you that he's in control. The ceremony is to show people what breaking the rules gets them."

Carl was swinging his legs back and forth, his eye trained on Dwight. "Well, either way, I got him to end it. We're looking at some sort of jail situation instead, like what happened to Daryl." He leaned back against Dwights bed, his legs spread and dangling over the edge. It felt like a cruel joke, having Carl spread out in front of him and not being able to touch. Negan was one lucky son of a bitch. 

"Well, thanks." Dwight stayed glued to his seat, watching Carl. Part of him wanted to sneak a photo and keep it buried beneath his mattress. He deserves to indulge in something sweet. Part of the reason Negan had wives was to flaunt them. It was unfair that Negan got to have someone so beautiful, someone so good, all to himself. Dwight could treat him better, treat him like the doll he was. But Carl wouldn't want him. "You should go, though, you never know when-" 

"Negan will come in, I know." Carl rolled his eye and sat up, crossing his legs. "I'm starting to think you don't like me and that you just use Negan as an excuse. You can tell me if you don't like me, ya know, I'm not some kid." Each time someone called Carl a kid he had the urge to punch all of their teeth out. He stopped being a kid the day his dad got shot. "No matter how much you say I am..." 

"You are a kid, Carl. You shouldn't be living like this." Dwight leaned back in his chair, shaking his head. "Negan just... he hates when I talk to his wives. It's not safe for me. You may be able to get away with whatever the hell you want but I can't. One wrong move and he'll have me killed and chained up to the fence and let me turn into one of those... those things." 

Carl climbed off of the couch, walking towards Dwight and stopping right in front of him. He leaned down and put his hands on either side of the chair. "Do you like me, Dwight?" He leaned down, their faces only inches apart. Carl could see Dwight shaking below him. "You can be honest..." 

"I do." Dwight whispered. He stared up at Carl, admiring him. The boy was an angel. Soft, cream skin and a beautiful blue eye. Pink lips that Dwight wanted to kiss. He felt unworthy near a person like Carl. How could Negan ever take this boy for granted? "More than I should..." He reached up and cupped Carls cheek, pulling him closer. "It's gonna kill me."

"Don't worry," Carl smiled. He was beautiful. Gentle and loving. How could something so flawless and giving, love a man like Negan? A ruthless ruler and killer. Dwight didn't believe in God, but if God was in charge of who Carl ended up with, Dwight sure as hell was going to talk to him. "I won't tell." 

\- 

"Dwight," Negans voice boomed through the door. "Open up, buddy, you and I need to have a little heart to heart, nothing serious." It had been two weeks since Carl approached Dwight. They had been hanging out. Going on rounds together and cooking together. Dwight learned a lot about Carl, like how the boy loved stars and books to read. He wrote them down in a notebook. Dwight forgot many things, but he would not let himself such a beautiful creature like Carl. "I won't ask again." 

Shaking hands pulled the door open only a crack. Dwight blocked the doorway, looking up at Negan. "Its late, what's up?" He leaned against the door frame, chewing on his cheek. He knew what was up. Negan didn't like when people got close to what was his.

"Rumor has it that you've been playing with one of my new toys." Negan pushed Dwight out of the way, dragging his bat across the floor. He looked around his room, chewing on his lip. He looked back at Dwight, smiling wide. "You don't have any idea what I'm talking about, do you, Dwight?" 

Dwight swallowed the lump in his throat, licking at his cheek. He bit it so hard he was bleeding. He shook his head, facing Negan. "No, I don't have any idea what you're talking about. I guess people are making up lies. For the drama." Every nerve in Dwights body was on fire. Negans gaze was tearing him apart like walkers. 

Negan tilted his head to the side, walking towards Dwight. He raised the bat, pointing the tip of it in Dwights face. "Good. That's what I thought. We should keep it that way." He dropped the bat and grabbed Dwights arm, pulling him close. "Hands off Carl. You know he's mine. Don't make me hurt you, Dwight, I don't want to but I will. You know the rules." 

Dwight didn't reply. He just stood there until Negan loosened his grip and walked out of his room. Negan made sure to slam his bat into Dwights newly filled book case. One book clattered against the ground. Carls favorite. When Dwight picked the book up, he didn't put it back in the book shelf. He slipped it underneath his mattress and went to bed, dreaming about the way Carls hands touched each page. 

\- 

"You're being dramatic." Carl was standing in front of Negan, arms crossed. He was glaring at him, just like his father. "Dwight has done nothing wrong and now all of the sudden you want your men to "teach" him a lesson. We are friends, Negan. I'm allowed to have those." He shook his head, laughing. "You are so- ugh!" He whipped around and walked away, mumbling swear words under his breath.

"I have a reason, Carl, do you see the way he looks at you?" Negan stood up, walking towards Carl. He slammed his hand into Carls chest, walking him back against the wall. "He wants whats mine. He always does this shit. Sees what I got and what's it all to himself. He's a selfish bastard and he has done this one too many times-" 

"You already ruined his face!" Carl snapped. "You know that! He has to live with it! Look in the mirror and see those gross, ugly scars and remember that people look away when they see him! He knows people are disgusted with him! He probably can't even wrap his head around the idea that someone can find him attractive! You've done enough!" Carl shoved Negans hand away and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. 

-

"He is such an idiot." Carl stormed to Dwights room after his fight with Negan. He was really mad, walking around and yelling, calling Negan all sorts of names that only Carl could get away with. "I can't believe him! It's like I'm an object! I can have friends! I can be friends with other guys without it ruining our relationship! I mean..." Carl shook his head. "It's not like I would ever like you!" 

Dwight sat silently, looking at his hands folded in his lap. It wasn't a surprise to him that Carl said that. He knew Carl would never settle for him. He didn't have power or smarts. He didn't have confidence or charm. To Carl, he was just another man that worked for Negan. One that would listen to him and talk to him. "He's just looking out for you. You're great. He's just worried he'll lose you the way he lost-"

"Dwight." The room was still. Carl stood in front of Dwight, his arms at his sides. "I didn't mean it like that, it's not..." Carl ran his fingers through his hair. "You're handsome, you really are, and you're smart and funny-" 

"Don't compliment me and make me think you like me, okay? I don't need your pity. You said it yourself, you wouldn't date me. Let's just leave it at that." Dwight stood up and lifted his mattress, handing Carl the book he had read. "Take it. I don't like reading anyway." Without saying anything else, Dwight left the room, door wide open.

Carl looked down at the wrinkled, torn up copy of The Outsiders in his hands. He pressed the book to his chest and looked down at his feet. It was unfair for him to do all of that to Dwight. The kisses and the secret talks. He knew what he was doing. He was flirting, but he never meant for it to end like this. Carl just wanted Dwight to know he was loved, but in the end, it just made him feel more alone. Carl laid the book on Dwights bed before walking out. 

\- 

"Your boyfriend seems a little lonely." It had been a week since the fight with Negan and Dwight. Carl and Negan were okay. Dwight had avoided Carl, never taking smoke breaks and always leaving his door locked. Right now he was sitting alone at lunch. He was in the corner of the room, his legs crossed and his lunch in his lap. Negan chuckled, nudging him. "Go flirt with him. I bet a beer he just blushes."

"Negan." Carl slapped his arm. "You're being really mean. What I did... it hurt him, okay? He's not talking to me so you don't have anything to worry about." He leaned his head on Negans shoulder, closing his eye. He missed Dwight, how they would read together and talk about their lives before the world went to hell. "Play nice." 

"I always play nice." Negan continued to make his way towards Dwight, stopping when they were a few feet away. "Look, Dwight, you may not be able to be with Carl, but you're lucky enough to still be one of my top men and get to look at Carl whenever you want." He winked at Dwight before kissing Carl breathless.

As they walked away, Carl could see Dwight wrap his food and slip it back into his bag. Dwight stood up and looked at Carl, ducking away when Carl saw him looking. He shook his head to himself and walked out of the room, leaving Carl feeling hallow. 

\- 

"I'm sick of you rubbing us in his face." Carl was naked, his legs tangled with Negans underneath the sheets. "He gets it. He knows we don't have a future being more than friends." Carl rested his head on Negans chest, listening to his heart beat. "Just leave him alone about it, okay?" He whispered. "Promise me you'll stop. It's just an innocent crush."

Negan sighed, laying there silently for a few minutes. He reached down and wrapped his arm around Carl, nodding. "Yeah, I'll stop, but if he gets too close I'm gonna show him who you belong to, okay?" 

Carl smiled, kissing Negan. "Deal." 

\- 

A soft knock knocked on Dwights door, sending a chill down his spine. It could only be three people. Simon, Negan, or Carl. Dwight wished that it was a herd of walkers instead. He climbed out of bed and walked towards the door, unlocking it and pulling it open. In front of him stood Carl, a too big shirt hanging off his body paired with too long jeans that hung over the tops of his boots. "What do you want?" 

"I left my book here." Carl mumbled, looking up at Dwight. "When you gave it to me I ended up putting it down and leaving... and ya know..." He moved closer to Dwight, closing the gap between them before slipping through the door. He walked towards his book case, his eye scanning the shelves. "Its my favorite." 

Dwight nodded, closing his door and walking back over to his bed. He laid back on it, resting on his elbows. "You can keep it, I don't care. Never really liked reading." He chewed on his lip, bouncing his leg.

Carl fake gasped, smiling. "Dwight, we spent all those days reading and talking to each other about our love of books." He looked over his shoulder at Dwight, his smile turning into a grin. "Do you mean to tell me that you lied all along? To me? Your best friend?" 

"You caught me." Dwight sat up and put his hands up, smiling a little. It felt good to see him smile again. Dwight had a nice smile, the rest of his face didn't matter. His smile was gorgeous. "I lied that entire time. Just to get in your pants." Next, he laughed, his smile growing bigger. How could Dwight not see he was just as charming as Negan? 

"You were so close." Carl laughed, looking at the next shelf of books, pressing his finger to the spine of each book as he read the title. When he found The Outsiders he pulled it out and held it against his chest. Slowly, Carl turned back to Dwight. He took a deep breath and held it, looking him up and down. "I miss you... a lot. And what I said was really horrible and Negan has been treating you like dirt and I feel so shitty about all of it and I miss you." He sighed, closing his eye, waiting for a reply. 

Dwight stood up, walking towards Carl. He cupped his cheeks, pushing his bandages up so his socket showed. "I miss you, too. You get all this shit... what its like to feel this way." He rubbed his thumb across the skin, smiling. It was sad. "You're really beautiful, Carl."

Carl blushed underneath his touch, shaking his head. "You're really handsome." He pushed Dwights hands away, gently. He held the book close and studied Dwights face. The way his eyes were trained on Carl, looking at him like he hung the sun, the moon, and all the stars in the sky. To Dwight, Carl was the universe, a galaxy, and he was just one star, burning bright and praying to be noticed. "Friends?" 

Dwight smiled, tearing his eyes away from Carl. He backed up, running his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, friends." He had missed Carl so much it ached. Dwight could be just friends with Carl, he loved him and he wanted the best for him. He considered himself lucky that he even gets to be Carls friend. 

They walked to the door, Dwight trailing behind Carl. They stood in the doorway, only inches apart. The silence around them was comfortable. That was how their friendship worked. No one needed to speak, they were fine in silence. All they needed was company.

"I'll see you around." Dwight watched as Carl smiled at him and turned away. He walked down the hall before stopping and turning back to Dwight. He held his book tight in his hands. That's what Carl always did. Hold on too tight. "Did you forget something?" 

"Yeah," Carl nodded. "One thing." He stood up on his toes and kissed Dwight, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him close. The kiss was innocent, their lips moving slowly and gently. Dwights hands settled a few inches above Carls waist, too afraid to go any lower. Carl pulled away before Dwight was done. "I'll see you." 

Carl was gone before Dwights eyes opened again.


End file.
